how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
