you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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