We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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