I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
