Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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