dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
So many bounce houses so little time
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
