We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
