Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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