why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
MIDGETS
????
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
