So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
