my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
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