she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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