We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
