i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
