If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
