so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Sober January is a disaster.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I need moral support for this bender
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
