I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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