The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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