Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
