Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
