The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
