her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
