Where did you get a picture of my penis
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
