funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
