"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
