3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
