yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
