bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
as a side note pls kill me
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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