you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
