Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
