Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
