All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
