i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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