Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
