I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
