yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
