i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
