Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
