Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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