He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
