it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
