Welp...herpes.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
