the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
