Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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