Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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