She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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