i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
pop tarts are not kleenex
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
she told me i tasted like america
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
