I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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