The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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