There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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